Aftercare - How apparently NOT to do it.

On the site Fetlife there is a page called Kinky and Popular. These are the photos, videos and writings with the most likes and comments. Sadly the kinkiest the photos get are the arty farty kinbaku ones and self portraits of skinny young girls with huge tits looking in the bathroom mirror. The writings mainly are focused on whatever hot topic is infuriating the BDSM community that week, One Twue™ Way proclamations and ones designed to poke the sub button of the female submissive section of the community in order to pick up as many of them as they can (and boy do they fall for it “it’s as if you KNOW me!”).

Ok so on K & P there is a piece of writing telling people how to give aftercare, written with the implication that anyone who does it otherwise is wrong and their d-type isn’t doing it right. This writing seems to me, to be geared to appeal to the 50 Shades of Grey crowd. And if it is then I can totally understand how it pushed their subby button.

Yes, some women love their d-types to fawn all over them, to worship them and give them the sensual lovin’. However not all of us are like that. I prefer the opposite to be quite fucking honest.

I can write this much more articulately tonight because I’ve had a wonderful session this afternoon, I’ve got my spanking mojo back, my arse feels tender and sore as hell and I’m feeling faaaabulous. And one of the things that’s helped me is the aftercare I got from my Sir.

We had an amazing session. He paddled me, he spanked me, he flogged me, he beat me till I was bleeding with the cuts and nicks from the IDE cable. Then he caned me to open the cuts up some more. I was in heaven.

Then it was time for the aftercare. He cleaned the blood up and disinfected the cuts (that hurt like fuck – amazing). He then gave me a cuddle and I got to my knees and made him happy so to speak. He then ordered me to the bed on all fours and fucked me so hard. It wasn’t tender or sensuous at all – it was hot, heavenly and filled with lots of orgasms.

I then went and had a hot shower so that I could have that crazy stinging feeling on my arse. We then had a smoke and I had my mug of tea. We went downstairs where I cooked bacon sandwiches for dinner as he had fucking earned it! All the while I just KNEW he was secretly monitoring me in case I experienced an endorphin crash. He can be a softy like that and one of the many reasons why I love him.

Now. I know damn well there are submissives out there that upon reading this are filled with horror. He made you give him a blow job after a session?! He’s supposed to care for you! Damn right I gave him a blow job, he’s given me what I asked for and beyond, the LEAST I can do is give him a blow job! That’s why he got bacon as well!

Not all of us appreciate the doms fawning over us and acting like subs themselves. During play, its what WE want. We’re getting what we asked for, our doms are obliging us, why the hell shouldn’t I give mine a blow job and bacon as a thank you?!

Now, in the original piece, the author stated “some subs find aftercare putting off … (I.E. Emotional Masochists)” This is distasteful for a couple of reasons. Firstly it’s passive aggressive shaming, shaming those that don’t subscribe to your way of thinking. Secondly, there’s an important point being missed here.

We DO have aftercare. Aftercare is what you do to help you process the play you’ve just experienced. It can consist of cuddles etc, chocolate, water, reassuring words, sex, talking it through, hot bubble baths, and guess what… being left the hell alone. That IS aftercare. It’s giving the bottom what they need to process the scene and enjoy the after affects of the play. Just because someone doesn’t like your brand of aftercare, it doesn’t make them an emotional masochist.

Oh and as for not running a hot bath if the skin is broken and cut after rough play. I say fuck that. There is nothing more heavenly than lowering your cut and bloodied arse into a scalding hot bubble bath. The sensation is like having a thousand sharp needles digging into every cut. It hurts and stings so much it’s glorious.

If you like your dom to give you some space after play so you can appreciate the sensations that they’ve worked so hard to achieve then don’t let writing like the one I’ve mentioned shame you into thinking you’re doing it wrong. There’s plenty of us out there, welcome to the club!

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